I wish life had little blips of pornography
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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