Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
