Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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