I can text with my tongue
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize