just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
