so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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