census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
