maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
