I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
