Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
