Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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