But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
