yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
