dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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