I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
