I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
don't judge my taste in strippers
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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