Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
