I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
