You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
