Don't you send me to vm
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
