Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
