i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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