I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
