I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
