you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
