chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
