i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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