He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
