I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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