I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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