a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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