even my farts smell like vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize