ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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