you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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