i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
