If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
