i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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