My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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