We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
