party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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