I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
