I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
