dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize