Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
