just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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