Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
