There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dicks are not precious.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
