Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
