In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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