the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
