Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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