Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
