Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You ruined the universe
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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