worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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