Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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