We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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