I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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