Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
