His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I deserve this hangover.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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